Winter
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The winter here's cold, and bitter
It's chilled us to the bone
We haven't seen the sun for weeks
To long too far from home
I feel just like I'm sinking
And I claw for solid ground
I'm pulled down by the undertow
I never thought I could feel so low
Oh darkness I feel like letting go
It was late. Snow fell softly outside the window, collecting like small white jewels on the windowpane. She had always loved jewels. Her eyes would light up and her laughter would float on the air, to just be able to look at an exquisitely cut diamond or gem. They didn't need to belong to her, but her fascination never dimmed.
If all of the strength and all of the courage
Come and lift me from this place
I know I could love you much better than this
Full of grace
Full of grace
My love
Bright blue eyes filled with unshed tears; a hand covered full red lips as the wanderer stopped at the memory. Eyes closed to view the memory clearly. It was a happy memory. One she would never lose. A tear slid silently down a silken cheek, still a little pink from her journey through the cold night air.
The woman walked slowly, feet shuffling just a little, her arms wrapped tightly around herself. The place hadn't been used in years. Dust stirred at every step. She lightly ran her hand across the dust covers every once in a while. Most of the belongings of the house had been moved long ago into storage. But there were still quite a few pieces of furniture sitting, waiting to be brought out into the light once again.
Just recently the place had been put on the market. It hadn't been an easy decision. It still wasn't. There were so many memories that she was afraid of losing if she let it go - the house. Her house. Her mother's house. Stopping in front of the fireplace, she reached out and turned the knob that allowed a flow of gas to the fixture, she bent and slowly extended her hand to ignite her lighter and the flames burst into life. She backed away from the fire and removed her coat. With the fire going she knew she would be warm enough soon.
So it's better this way, I said
Having seen this place before
Where everything we said and did
Hurts us all the more
It's just that we stayed, too long
In the same old sickly skin
I'm pulled down by the undertow
I never thought I could feel so low
Oh darkness I feel like letting go
Music played softly in the background and the woman who once again felt as a child roamed the room. A myriad of memories played softly across the closed eyelids.
"My Chaton, don't you play to close to the fire." A musical voice came from the doorway.
"But Maman - it's so pretty!" The young child explained, with a bit of the French accent floating over her soft lisp of a still soft palette.
"Yes, mon petit bijou! It is! But it would hurt you - so you need to stay back." Her mother said laughingly, eyes sparking in the firelight as she crossed from the doorway to scoop her daughter up onto her lap as she sat on the floor in front of the fire.
"Yes Maman." The young child turned bright blue eyes back to the fire dancing merrily in the fireplace. "Maman? Quand est-ce que nous allons returner chez nous?" (Maman? When will we be going home?) She turned eyes now earnest toward the beautiful blond holding her on her lap.
"My petite, ceci est notre maison maitenant." (My little one, this is our home now.) The blond answered a little sadly. "And Chaton, we must speak English now for people of New Gotham do not speak French."
"But why Maman? Why can't we speak like of home?" The small little brunette asked very seriously.
"You mean why can't we speak like we did at home, Chaton. It is because, in this country, we are expected to speak as everyone else. And this was once my home. I was born and raised here." Her mother explained, a little sadly.
"Ok, Maman." The little girl rested her head back against her mothers shoulder, both watching and enjoying the firelight. "Maman? Can we get a cat? Like little Louie back home? A black cat with green eyes?"
"Mais oui, chaton. Nous acheterons un nouveau chat demain. Je te promets." (But of course Chaton! We will get a new cat tomorrow. I promise!) The blond said a little distractedly.
The small child giggled from her perch on her mothers lap. "What Chaton? What is so funny?"
Uncovering her mouth, the child answered still giggling hard, "Maman, you said we must speak English now and you didn't!" The giggles progressed to a full belly laugh as her mother started to tickle her.
A teary giggle escaped the child who had grown into an extraordinary young woman. She had the coloring of her father; dark hair, piercing blue eyes, brooding demeanor. Where her mother had been small in stature, she was tall. She had inherited the lithe gracefulness, the sharp wit and biting tongue of her mother. She had also inherited the metahuman physiology of her mother. At will, she could tune into her enhanced abilities of sight, taste and hearing. She was also extremely strong; which could be contributed to both parents. Strong of body, mind and spirit.
She put her head down, to exhausted to fight the overwhelming emotions any longer. As she sat on the floor, arms wrapped around the knees pulled into her chest; a soft warm hand came to rest on her head. The fingers running softly through the strands of burnished chestnut. Just like her mother used to do when her child hurt.
"Helena." Spoken softly in a low, sultry timbered voice. "Helena, you don't have to let it go. If your not ready…"
Helena leant her head back into the hand. Turning so that the hand that had been running fingers through her hair now cupped her cheek. She looked up into emerald eyes that were filled with concern - and something else that the owner was not ready to admit. Barbara's breath caught in her throat to see the raw pain and hunger in the tormented blue eyes. Warm fingers softly stroked her cheek.
"Hey. If you're not ready to give up the house, then don't. No one is pushing you to. You don't feel like I'm pushing you, do you?" Barbara asked softly.
"No." She sighed softly. "I just thought it was time and that it was the right thing to do."
Barbara looked into the watery blue orbs for a silent moment. "Helena, you're old enough that if you wanted to, you could move in here. It is your house. I know you've been feeling caged in at my place, and with the new Clock Tower renovations just getting started, it may be awhile until it's ready to be moved into. Why don't you move in here." Barbara's voice became a bit guarded on the last sentence.
"NO. It would be too far away from…" Helena didn't finish with what she wanted to say. "With all my training, your physical therapy - wouldn't it just be better for me to stay with you?" Helena asked.
Secretly, that is what Barbara wanted, but Helena was her ward, even if she was by law an adult, Barbara felt it was only right to push the baby bird out of the nest. She needed to find who she really was, without being tied down to… Barbara didn't finish her thought.
Helena saw the Barbara's mind was clicking along, thinking about something. The eyes became a little distant, pulling back into herself. And just quickly, the focus was back on the younger woman. "Helena, how about you take the house off the market for now. Come on, lets go home and get some sleep. We can talk about it in the morning. Okay?"
A little of the weight that had been on her shoulders lifted, "Okay, lets go home." Helena stood up and grabbed her coat. "How did you know to find me here?" She reached out and took Barbara's hand in her own.
"Truthfully? I didn't at first. I have been driving around for a couple hours trying to find you. This was the last place I was going to look before calling the police." Barbara said softly. "When you ran out from the Christmas party, I was right on your heels, but when you took to the roof tops, I had to double back and get the van."
Helena didn't say anything as she let the hand she held go. Turning back to the fire in the fireplace, she turned the knob so that the flow of gas was turned off. "I'm sorry Barbara. Things just became overwhelming and I needed to leave."
"No, I'm sorry Helena. I should have given you the present from your Mom once everyone had left."
Barbara Gordon had known that Selena Kyle had been Catwoman, but since Bruce had said hands off upon Selena's return from wherever to New Gotham, Barbara had felt compelled to keep an eye on her anyway, so had befriended the woman. Selena had been bringing Helena to the gym for months for her gymnastics training before Barbara had approached the young girl and her mother.
A friendship had been formed and Barbara began to see the woman that Bruce had seen all those many years ago. It was intriguing to Barbara that Bruce didn't seem to see the resemblance of the young girl to himself. Just days before the Joker had shot Barbara, Selena had visited Barbara late one night. She had felt something was going to happen and needed to know that Helena was going to be taken care of. She had gotten a paper drawn up that afternoon which, if Barbara agreed and signed the document, would make Barbara Helena's legal guardian should anything happen to Selena. Barbara hadn't hesitated one second and agreed to it, not knowing what lay in store in such a very short time.
Selena had also given Barbara a safety deposit box key that was to be opened December 23rd in the year of Helena's 18th birthday. When Barbara had gone to the bank just a couple days before she had found a card and small box in that was addressed to Helena with Merry Christmas written just below her name.
Inside the present was a platinum pendant of a cat that Selena had always worn. She had left it to Helena. When Helena had opened the card, her face had become pale. When she opened the gift, she had simply turned and ran.
As Helena turned back to Barbara, saw that Helena was wearing the small pendant hanging against the skin at her throat. Barbara reached up and caught the pendant for a moment to stop its swinging. Helena closed her eyes so that Barbara wouldn't see the momentary change to her eyes as the red heads fingers brushed her skin lightly. She opened her eyes and watched the emotions play across Barbara's face for a moment.
"It looks good on you Helena." Barbara said in a whisper.
Helena bit her lower lip that had started to quiver. She closed her eyes and when she opened them, a tear escaped once again down her cheek. "God Barbara, I still miss her so much! Will that ever lessen? The pain of her not being here?"
"Come here!" Barbara opened her arms wide, Helena rushed to Barbara, falling to her knees to wrap her arms around Barbara's waist and buried her face into Barbara's stomach. Barbara leant over and hugged the sob-wracked woman and just held her. As Helena's sobbing abated, Barbara sat back up and ran her fingers through the brunette's hair. "I'm afraid I can't answer that question Helena. I don't know. What I do know is that I will always be here for you."
Helena sat back, wiping her face with the back of her hand. "Promise?"
"Yes. I promise Helena. I promise with everything I am and everything I have." Then trying to lighten the mood a little, motioned to her chair, "Even if it's only this old thing. Wanna ride to the van?"
A small smile appeared through the tears. "Sure. Why not." Helena sat down on Barbara's lap, placing her head on Barbara's shoulder and released an exhausted sigh. "You know something Barbara?"
Heading out the door of the library to the front hall, Barbara maneuvered the chair through the doorway. "No, what?"
"I love you." Helena said simply.
The snow was falling softly, blanketing New Gotham in a soft white blanket. As Barbara stopped the chair outside the passenger side of the van, she held Helena for a moment, "I love you too Helena." The young woman got up and climbed wearily into the van and closed the door behind her, turning to hit the button that lowered the lift gate.
"I love you too."
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Lyrics belong to Sarah McLachlan, who is looking very sexy with her hair long once again!!! "Full of Grace"
Right Click and 'Save as' to download mp3 of "Full Of Grace"
