The Dream
It started the same as it always does. The dream. I'm standing in the middle of a dance floor. The room is silent. The thing that really gets to me is that - I'm - standing - in - the - middle - of - a - dance - floor! I can feel my legs, my ankles, and my toes. Before I can take a step, music begins to play softly. The soft strains of an electric guitar, joined by a soft top hat and drum.
As always, I'm swept away in the arms of someone who I can't make out. Their features are hidden in shadow. They are about the same height as me. I can tell it's a guy. From the after shave, I would guess it was Dick. But Dick is taller than me. The lines of the body are right for it to be Dick. The hands, the way the body is moving in time with mine, it has to be him.
It takes a moment before I recognize the music. Its one of my favorite singer/song writers out of Canada. A strong baritone starts to sing along with the music. It seems strange. Wrong. I had always loved it when Dick would sing to me when we would dance. Not now. I want to tell him to just hush. Ok, I want to tell him to shut up. He's ruining the song.
Instead I just pull away and walk to the balcony that has suddenly appeared off to one side.
"This has never been here before." I say out loud. I have that bad habit. Talking to myself out loud when I'm alone. I've always done this.
"This balcony has always been here. You were just afraid to look for it." A voice says from above me.
I turn around to look up, but all I see is one of the gargoyles like on the Wayne Tower. But, I don t believe I am in Wayne Tower. Walking to the edge of the balcony, I look over the side. I am pretty high up. It could be the Wayne Tower, yet the view is all wrong.
"Don't lean out to far. You may fall over. Being that you don't have your handy dandy little belt of tricks, you won't be able to catch yourself."
I turn around and look to see who could have said that. Again, there is no one there, outside of the steel gray gargoyle.
I take my glasses off and check to see if they are needing to be cleaned. They seem fine. Shrugging, I just hang them from the neck of my shirt.
The wind is picking up and it feels nice and cool blowing across my face. I lean out from the balcony and let it run its invisible fingers through my hair. How I miss this. The wind in my face and letting my hair just blow in the wind. I would sit on the top of the Old Clock Tower for hours waiting for dawn after patrolling with Dick and Bruce. Especially on slow nights. They would head back to the Bat Cave but I wouldn't be ready to call it a night.
I let out a heavy sigh that had been pressing down on my chest, making breathing difficult.
"That sounded heart felt. Need an ear? I can be a good listener if you want."
"Ok, that's enough. Who and where are you?" I whip around looking for anyone who could be lurking. Then I notice the inside of the room has changed. There are multicolored lights flashing, like a dance club. The music has more of a deeper bass. Yet it's still Sarah. I listen, its "Black and White" , but with a heavier dance beat than I've heard before. I can't seem to help it, but my body starts to sway to the music.
"You look like a woman who likes to dance. Go on in. Dance. Cut a rug. Have fun. You know - fun: what provides amusement or enjoyment!"
"Oh why don't you just shut up!?" I tell the gargoyle and go in.
Once inside, the place is entirely different. There is a bar over to one side. I start to head over there to get a drink, when the dance floor starts to fill with that smoke that hugs the floor.
"Barbara."
I turn around. There is a dark shadow of a person again. They step up to me and bow. "Dance with me?"
The voice is low, rich, breathy, and feminine. I get shivers that run up and down my spine. It's familiar, yet I can't place a face within my mind's eye.
She steps close to me, takes my hand in hers. Wraps the other around to the back of my waist. She gently yet firmly pulls me into her body. She's just a little taller than me. She smells like leather and a faint, sweet musk. I like it. I feel the tension drain from my body and we start to dance slowly to the music. The guitar and drums taking on a familiar beat.
She sings in a smooth alto.
"Hey your glass is empty
It's a hell of a long way home
Why don't you let me take you
It's no good to go alone
I never would have opened up
But you seemed so real to me
After all the bullshit I've heard
It's refreshing not to see
I don't have to pretend
She doesn't expect it from me"
She has her lips next to my ear. The vibrations of her voice, the intoxicating scent of her! Its overwhelming my senses. I feel like I'm falling. Her lips move to my cheek. Her lips move against my skin as she sings.
"Don't tell me I haven't been good to you
Don't tell me I have never been there for you
Don't tell me why
Nothing is good enough"
Tears start to form in my eyes. I've heard this song so many times.
Yet the meaning behind the words hit me hard.
"Hey little girl would you like some candy
Your momma said that it's OK
The door is open come on outside
No I can't come out today
It's not the wind that cracked your shoulder
And threw you to the ground
Who's there that makes you so afraid
You're shaken to the bone
And I don't understand
You deserve so much more than this"
He always beat me and told me how worthless I was. Especially when he would come home drunk from the bar. That is the core reason I never let anyone in. I'm not good enough. I never will be. And now, not only am I not good enough. I'm broken. I don't work right. Joker took that away from me.
She pulls back and I try and look into her face. This woman who is holding me so gently while dancing. Whose singing cuts through to my soul. Her face is in shadow. She is mere inches from me, yet I can't see her face. Desperately, I want to see her face. Blue eyes start to shine out through the shadow.
"So don't tell me why
He's never been good to you
Don't tell me why
He's never been there for you
Don't you know that why
Is simply not good enough"
I reach up to touch this magnificent woman's face, yet she pulls back from me.
"So just let me try
And I will be good to you
Just let me try
And I will be there for you
I'll show you why
You're so much more than good enough..."
She's at arms length now. The song is ending. A radiant smile is on her lips. She bows over my hand and kisses it softly, turning it over and kisses the palm.
"Vous êtes tellement davantage qu'assez bon!" She whispers to me.
I can now see that she is wearing a full length leather duster. She has dark hair. As she turns with a swirl of her coat. As she saunters toward the door to leave the room, she pauses and looks at me over her should, flashing a dazzling smile that stops my heart.
"I know you." I whisper.
"Yes. You do. And you are mine. As I am yours. As is has always been and will always come to be." And with that she's gone.
I cry out, "Come back! Helena! Don't leave me!" I try to take a step forward, to go after her. My legs won't move. I look down. I am no longer standing. I'm in my chair.
"I am and always will be with you Barbara. Know that. Feel that deep down in your soul. More importantly, know that you are much, much more than good enough." Helena's voice reverberates through the room which is now the empty clock tower. The way it was when we first moved into it all those years ago to start our new lives.
"Helena!" It comes out as a sob.
"Barbara. Hey. Baby? Wake up baby... you're having a bad dream." Helena lightly shook Barbara's shoulder.
"Hm? What?" Barbara mumbled still half asleep. Then, remembering the dream, she came fully awake. Her face is wet with the tears she shed in her dream. She can feel that the shirt under her cheek is damp.
The shirt under her cheek. Helena. She didn't leave me. She's here. Barbara lifts her eyes to look at her lover. Helena is quietly watching her.
"Hey you." She said in her sexy, husky voice. "Have that same nightmare again?"
"Yeah. Sort of. It was different this time. Dick wasn't there. The song was different. And you were there."
Smiling a very enticing, sexy smile, Helena kissed Barbara lightly. "I was there, eh? What was I doing? Rescuing you?"
"Yes, you were." Barbara answered very soberly. "You saved me. From myself. From my fears." She whispered.
"Good. I'm glad." Helena said softly.
Pulling herself up a little, Barbara took a moment to look deeply into Helena's eyes.
"Tell me what you see baby." Helena whispered softly.
Barbara just gives Hel a soft smile and kissed her lips lightly. "I love you Helena Kyle, maybe more than you realize."
"Oh, really. And you Miss Barbara Gordon, or maybe I should say Ms. Gordon are the love of my life you know."
"Yeah, I do know. Now." Barbara pulled body up the rest of the way to capture Helena's in a searing kiss. "Thank you Helena. For saving me."
"My pleasure." Was all Helena could say before her lips were captured - again.
Fini
