Disclaimer: See the first page, Chapter 1.
Barbara and Helena were in good spirits when they entered the Clock Tower. Dinah met them at the elevator going in the opposite direction; she was headed over to Gabby's to study for a history exam they had the next day. It was still too early for the Huntress to head out on sweeps, so she suggested that Barbara go in and take a nap before the night began in earnest. After taking a cursory glance at the Delphi, Barbara did just that. Between the wine and the relaxed day, she could barely keep her eyes open.
As Barbara entered her bedroom and changed into sweats to be more comfortable, she considered the day, especially the last few minutes before they left the "picnic". 'It was nice to get away, even for just a little while. I hated stopping Helena that way when she finally seemed ready to talk about Wade and what happened with Quinn.' For the second time in less than 24 hours, Barbara had found herself in very close proximity to Helena. The most difficult part of the day had been not acting on what the warmth and soft light from the fire, combined with good wine, music that always pulled at her heart strings, and the allure of a woman who had gone to a lot of trouble to give Barbara an incredibly beautiful day did to her. But there were lines that she knew couldn't be crossed. And it wouldn't be fair to Helena to just act on feelings that - well, Barbara didn't really know what she felt right now. 'I was just in a place emotionally to not handle that. And just where in the hell did that CD come from? I know I had gotten rid of it all those years ago. To my knowledge there wasn't another one.'
Before Barbara could ponder on that any longer, she drifted off to sleep.
"I wonder how that got out here? I'm sure I hit all my targets in there." She said aloud to herself.
"Still the same old Barbara, talking to yourself I see.." an amused chuckle came from the shadows.
Barbara turned quickly to pin point the direction of the voice, peering through the shadow to make out its owner.
"Didn't know you were back. Did things go ok? Didn't run into any trouble, did you?" Barbara tried to ask nonchalantly.
"No - things went very smoothly. Look, Red, I'm sorry I couldn't tell you about the mission. It was something I had to do on my own. If I could have told you or taken you with, you know I would have." The apology came out somewhat somberly, in a quiet tone. "I promise, if you let me, I'll make it up to you tonight?"
Barbara could hear the smile she knew would be on her lover's face coming through the voice, but never one to give up easily, she sauntered over to the display case of Batman's crime fighting armor. "I don't know. You weren't honest with me, and you know that was one of the ground rules that we set when we decided to go ahead and get involved." Barbara's voice was low and sultry. The kind of voice one would imagine coming from a more mature woman and not someone barely 20 years old. "And you were gone longer than anyone thought you would be. How do you know someone hasn't swept me off my feet?"
Moving out from the shadows, strong arms enveloped Barbara from behind. As they slipped around the slender woman's waist, a single sterling rose was offered as a peace offering. Soft breath played along Barbara's sweat dampened neck, causing the red head's breath to be drawn in sharply, if somewhat involuntarily.
"Because - if someone else had swept you off your feet, you wouldn't be standing here, within the circle of my arms, now would you?" a soft whisper played across Barbara's ear and cheek as she was turned around. Soft lips were laid claim to and Barbara let a soft moan escape.
"I think someone missed me." was uttered between teasing kisses, as Barbara's lover let her know just how much they had hated being away from the sultry red head.
"I think that you are correct in that assumption." Barbara agreed, stopping the light teasing kisses by reaching up and capturing her lovers face in her hands and deepening the kiss to one of want and yearning.
Barbara pulled back from the kiss and in a voice dripping with desire she said , "Let's just get out of this cold cave and into my nice warm apartment for a proper home coming." The welcoming smile at that suggestion made her weak in the knees.
Barbara turned and started for the door, then stopped suddenly, as she realized that no one was behind her. She turned quickly - and her lover wasn't there.. Thinking this was a part of the game; she searched through the bat cave, but to no avail. Her lover was gone. God - not again.. She fell to her knees and started to cry. The CD that she had found on the pillow next to hers where she lay sleeping, started playing. Her lover had left it there when they disappeared the first time. All it said on it was "play me".
"Nooooo!!"
Having slipped into Huntress mode at the first scream, Helena vaulted over the railing to the upper level as Barbara let go another scream in her room! Someone was threatening Barbara. How could they have bypassed the improved security of the Clock Tower? The Huntress was outside Barbara's door within seconds of -
"Noooooo!!"
Quickly entering the room, not needing to turn on the light, the Huntress looked for the culprit causing such pain. All she saw was Barbara; sitting slumped over in bed, banging her fists into the mattress in great distress.
"Barbara, what's wrong?" Huntress asked. When there was no response, she crossed to the bed and getting behind the woman, wrapped her arms around her to stop her from striking out any more.
"Barbara, it's Helena. Wake up - you're having a nightmare."
The struggling lessened and turned into heart wrenching sobs. "Not again! You can't leave me again! Not like this!! Damn it! I love you!"
Helena turned the red head around, and pulled her into an embrace. She started rocking Barbara back and forth, whispering quiet assurances until Barbara seemed to calm down.
Emerging slowly from the dream turned nightmare, Barbara realized that she was being held in a gentle yet firm embrace. Whispered assurances tickled her ear. "What.. what?" She realized the arms holding her belonged to Helena, "Hel?"
Helena eased her embrace, as she released a silent sigh, "You were screaming. I was afraid that somehow, someone had gotten in here and was hurting you." Her voice was a little unstable and shaky, everything with in her screaming to wrap Barbara up in her arms and take her someplace safe; someplace warm. Someplace no one could hurt the one she loved. She released a growl that had been held deep within her chest.
Hearing the growl, Barbara looked up into the Huntress's eyes that gleamed in the dark. Such intense emotions played across her face, Barbara was a little taken back. She knew the depth of feeling that caused Helena to turn into the Huntress. She had never stopped to consider that maybe Helena would allow herself to become attached so deeply, to be that protective of her. 'I know Helena has feelings that run deep, but I never thought they could be directed towards me.. could they? No, I can't go there. I've already loved someone so completely that.. No.. I won't go there… I can't...'
"How long have I been asleep?" Barbara asked sounding a little out of it, relaxing her head on Helena's shoulder, she let her hand curl around Helena's bicep.
"About two hours. That must have been some nightmare. I haven't heard you scream out like that since.." Helena stumbled to a halt. She was about to say 'since the Joker shot you and you found out you were paralyzed.' "Well, since - you know. Want to talk about it?"
"Something about the Bat Cave. I… I really don't remember,." Barbara stammered, not really wanting to go into details about her dream, "Last thing I remember was getting into bed. I think I was out before my head even hit the pillow. Two hours huh? Wow.. Must have been tired… Or maybe I just enjoyed a little too much wine." With a small smile playing on the corners of her mouth, Barbara moved out of the protective shelter of Helena's arms saying, "Do me a favor and go set the kettle on for a cup of tea? I need to get up now anyway." Barbara withdrew into herself, emotionally exhausted and still in pain from her memories.
Helena felt Barbara withdraw, not only physically but also emotionally. She was hurt and confused. "Yeah, okay. I'll, uh, just go and make you a cup of tea then." Hel said as she got off the bed and headed for the door. It would be easier to get a handle on what she was feeling away from the gorgeous woman anyway.
Helena shut the door as she left and Barbara fell back onto the pillow. She was badly shaken. She hadn't had that nightmare in a long time. She hadn't felt such conflicting emotions in a long time. 'What the hell is happening to me?' She knew that her pulling away had hurt Helena, but she didn't know what else to do. Until she got a handle on this, she needed.. What? "What do you need Gordon? Do you expect a woman who is 8 years your junior to be everything for you? Be everything to you? Got to get a grip here. She's been through enough with out you freaking out on her." Barbara berated herself softly. "You need to pull yourself together."
Helena, in the mean time was setting the kettle on the stove, wondering what had happened to cause Barbara to pull away so strongly. 'Did I do something? Was I out of line to hold her? Who the hell was she saying 'I love you' to? God - it felt so right to go in and comfort her like that. I probably am being foolish to think she could ever return my feelings. It's just sometimes, I catch her watching me, and the look in her eyes, - I have never thought about this so much until today. I guess I'm just imagining things." The tea kettle started whistling, interrupting Helena's train of thought. She grabbed a cup and tea bag, and headed back up to Barbara's room.
With both arms thrown over her face, Barbara let out a burst of air. 'I guess hearing that CD is what brought the dream back. Well - that and everything else that's happened the past couple months. I am going to have to sit Helena down and have a long serious talk, and soon. She deserves to know what is going on with me. She needs to know a lot - about me. I don't know what I'll do if she turns away from me though!' Barbara's thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door.
"Barbara, here's your tea.. I'm going to head out and get going on the sweep. Do you need anything before I go?" Helena asked through the door.
"You can come in Helena, you don't have to talk to me through the door.."
"Hi- ah yeah. Anyway…." Helena crossed over to the bed and set Barbara's tea on the table, "So - catch you on the comms in a few, right?"
Barbara reached out and caught Helena's arm, "Hey, thanks, and I'm sorry for pulling away. Just feeling a little overwhelmed. Maybe you can come back here after sweeps?" Barbara said with concern written on her face. She could feel the wall that Helena had erected and asked, "Hel, you okay?"
"Yeah. I'm fine" Helena responded 'In a totally shut out kind a way.' She smiled wanly at Barbara and turned to go. "Like I said, catch ya comms." and she exited Barbara's room.
"Helena, wait - about…." cried Barbara, but the lanky brunette had already gone. "Well, looks like the bond we formed this afternoon is gone. You can't blame her Gordon, after that little performance." Barbara said out loud to herself.
She headed out and down to the Delphi system and started tuning into the different scanners. Dinah should be home soon and she wanted to go through a training exercise with her tonight, while Huntress did the sweep. She would have to make a point to talk to Helena, tonight after sweeps, if she could get the woman to come back.
The sunny day had yielded itself to a cold, clear night as Huntress made her way across the rooftops. She had been on patrol for a few hours and so far things had been very quiet. Dinah's training had gone well. Oracle had used the burned out docks to see how well Dinah could adapt to the varying degrees of atmosphere and terrain changes. Helena had gone over to give an added degree of difficulty, slipping between shadows and throwing training batons and batarang's at the blond. She'd dodged or deflected most of them but... 'Dinah will have one hell of a shiner tomorrow though!' thought Helena.
"Oracle, are you there?"
"I'm here. What's up?"
"Just wanted to check on Blondie. She kinda took a baton to the face. Did she get ice on it?" Huntress asked, while thinking 'and I wanted to hear your voice.' Helena didn't understand how they had been growing closer all afternoon, Barbara seemed to be letting her in, and then after one nap, she felt like she was back to square one.
"No, she hadn't told me of anything untoward happening. I'll make sure she takes care of it. How are things out there? Seems real quiet." replied Oracle
"So far it has been just down right boring… Not even a mugger to rough up. Could it be that everyone took a night off and forgot to tell me?"
"I'd rather doubt that. Listen - since it's so slow, come on back to the Clock Tower. Seems to me we had a conversation to finish from this afternoon." Oracle suggested.
"Uh, thanks Oracle, but I think I'll make one more circuit and then call it a night. I'm kinda tired."
"But it seemed like it was something important…"
"Nothing that can't wait. I'm going to go off comm. If you need me - you know the drill." Helena turned the transceiver off before Barbara could talk her out of it. She really just wanted to go home, maybe have a drink and a little distraction at the Dark Horse, and go to bed. She just wasn't up to heading back to talk with Barbara, still stinging with the feelings of rejection from earlier.
Usually she would jump at the chance to spend time with the red head, even before she'd realized what her feelings were. She loved spending time in her presence. But now, there was a ghost haunting Huntress. A ghost she didn't even know was in existence before this afternoon. A ghost that evidently still had a very real and strong hold on the heart of the woman she had just discovered she was in love with. 'How do you fight a memory? God - whoever this guy was, he must have been really something. Wonder what happened.'
Walking into her apartment above the bar, Helena couldn't resist the pull of the music pounding through the floor. The Dark Horse would only be open for another hour, so she threw off her leather coat and made for the door. Coming out of the store room, she crossed to the bar and found an ice cold shot of vodka waiting.
"Saw ya coming Baby doll!" The new girl behind the bar said flirtingly. "Name's Jade, and I've heard a lot about you."
'Really?" Helena replied in a throaty voice. "I haven't heard a thing about you - yet. So spill."
Helena had to admit; Leonard really knew how to pick lookers, no matter which sex. Jade was a tall dark, exotic, gorgeous woman. Black silky hair, almost black almond shaped eyes. Looked like she took care of herself too. Nice muscle tone. 'I knew I'd find a distraction down here.'
"Be back in a sec, gotta couple of 'real' men down at the other end I need to take care of." Winking, Jade spun on her heel and headed down to the other end of the bar.
Helena watched as Jade took control of what could have been a really ugly situation. A couple college boys who had had too much to drink, thinking it was their right to take liberties with the hired help.
"Nice touch." Helena said to Jade as another icy shot found its way into her hand. "So, I take it you're not into little boys who've had too much to drink."
Jade smirked, "I'm not into any kind of boy, big or little."
Leonard walked up behind Jade and put his hand on her shoulder, "Hey - thanks for covering for a few.. You can take off now. Nice work tonight."
Helena had noticed the reaction to Leonard's hand placement. 'A bit of tenseness there.'
"Hey no problem." Jade said nonchalantly.
"So, since you're off duty, care to join me for one?" Helena asked, holding up her glass.
"I really have somewhere to be in a few, but I guess one won't hurt." Jade slid onto the bar stool next to Helena, close enough that their legs were touching.
Helena felt a spark at her touch. "So - haven't seen you around New Gotham before… just move here?"
"Yeah.. I've been here once or twice on business, in the past, liked the place and thought I would come see if its worth moving to.. You could say I'm temporarily relocated.." Jade replied, leaning in toward Helena very seductively, placing a hand on Helena's thigh, and leaving it there.
Fighting to not show any reaction to what Jade was doing to the pent up emotions of the Huntress, Helena queried, "What kind of business do you do? Outside of bartending that is."
"I do free lance stuff. A little bit of this - a little bit of that… You know." Jade winked and downed the rest of her drink. "Listen Girlfriend," making the word almost a growl, "Need to fly, but - I want you to know, I am very interested in getting to know you.. Much better."
"Not one to hold back, are you." Smirked Helena.
"When I see something I want, I go for it." Jade replied, jumped off the stool, pressed her body into Helena's, and kissed her lightly on the lips. "Later." She turned and sauntered across the bar and out the door.
Helena found her eyes following every move of Jade's hips until she was out the door. Where she then recognized the flaming red hair of Barbara Gordon sitting there. 'Shit- I wonder how much she saw!' Thought Helena nervously.
Barbara had watched as the raven-haired beauty jumped off the bar stool, leant into Helena a little too familiarly and kissed her. A band tightened around her chest as she saw the woman saunter out the door past her. She looked up just in time to see the last of Helena's gaze on the woman, almost feral, hungry - then the look turned into one of a kid caught with their hand in the cookie jar as her gaze fell on Barbara. 'Well - she's seen me.. Can't back out now.' Barbara thought as she started wheeling toward Helena, about the same time as the lithe brunette got off the bar stool and started to walk towards Barbara.
"Hey - what brings you out this late Barbara? And on a school night!" Helena decided to take the cool road like nothing out of the ordinary had happened.
"Helena, I didn't like the way we ended things this afternoon or on comms, and when you didn't answer your phone, I thought I would come on down here and see if I could find you."
"Well, here I am, in the flesh. Want a drink? Glass of wine?" Helena offered as they continued into the bar.
"You know, a drink would be good. I'll have a Glenmorangie, straight up."
Helena raised her eyebrow just a tad at that.. Bab's never, well rarely drank the hard stuff.. it was always wine.
"Coming right up." As Helena stepped behind the bar, she grabbed a brandy snifter and poured a shot or so of the single malt into it. Held it up, then held a lighter under it an inch or so for just a few moments, then handed Barbara the glass. Barbara swirled the amber fluid around a little, then took a sip. She closed her eyes as the liquid fire burned down her throat. It was just what she needed to get the band to loosen up around her chest. She took a deep breath, and opened her eyes. She looked at Helena, nodded her head toward the storage room, "Follow me, we're gonna talk. Now." Barbara was no longer in any mood to be soft handed with the brunette.
"Ooo, I like it when you go all dominant on me." Helena quipped. Since Barbara was already on her way toward the elevator, she didn't see the total look of surprise on Helena's face. Helena rarely, if ever, saw Barbara take such forceful control of a situation outside the Tower.
They made it to Helena's apartment without a word passing between them. Barbara so wanted to find out who that woman was that had kissed her Helena, but - didn't want to push it right now. There were more important things to talk about.
They walked in and Helena crossed to the stereo to put on a little background noise. She had never seen Barbara like this and was apprehensive.
Barbara just jumped straight in, "Helena, now that I'm here, I don't know where to start. First, I guess is, I'm sorry I pulled away from you this evening. I know that hurt you. It wasn't a totally conscious thing. And it was wrong; especially after the incredible day we had shared. I know for you to do something like that is .."
Helena interrupted, head down to hide her blush and the emotion she knew would be visible in her eyes, "It was nothing. Like I said, you give so much of yourself to Dinah and me, that I just wanted to make you smile."
"You did more than make me smile. You made me want to share more of myself with you. You are an incredible woman Helena. I realized this afternoon you are no longer the little girl that did belly flops onto my bed, nor are you the young rebellious teenage ward that drove me nuts during your high school years. Somewhere in there you grew up. And I've been unfair - keeping you out of the loop of what is going on with me. I've been letting you operate under false pretense. All to make it easier for me not to have to look at things too closely." Barbara couldn't bring herself to look Helena in the eyes.
"No - now I'm a grown woman who does belly flops onto your bed." Helena smiled, "Barbara, I don't understand…"
"Please, let me finish. I know you are carrying a lot of guilt in regards to Wades death." Barbara held up a hand to stop Helena from saying anything. "I don't want you to feel like it's your fault. It's not. If there is blame to be laid at anyone's feet, it's mine for allowing him into the Tower. I also want you to know that I wasn't in love with Wade. I allowed myself to become attracted to his attraction to me. And while I cared for him, there would never have been more than what was already there" Barbara stopped to take a sip of her whiskey. She finally looked at Helena, who had that 'Deer caught in the headlights" look on her face. "Is this making sense to you Hel?"
"Well, yeah, sort of. I'm just confused as to why you felt this had to be talked about tonight.. like - right now kind of thing."
"There's more to this talk than just the Wade thing. There is so much of my past that I have kept from you. And I think that we have reached a point in our friendship - our relationship, that you should know more about me. I only pray that it doesn't scare you away."
"Barbara, I've known you for years. What is it that you can tell me now, that hasn't come out in the past? That would scare me away? The whole Batgirl thing is a known factor. You had a relationship with Boy Blunder. You idolized Bruce.. What? You gonna tell me that you had something going with Catwoman?" Helena, who suddenly was not in the mood for a talk, got a little sarcastic.
"No - I didn't have anything more than a fight or two with Catwoman. And there is more… Like my reaction earlier, when you woke me from the nightmare; I pulled away. I hurt you because I pulled away. But you should know why I pulled away." Barbara stopped to gather her thoughts.
Barbara went back to the afternoon, the CD playing in the background. All the memories that Rhapsody brought back, so fresh, so painful, just like it was yesterday. She had been Batgirl, a couple years into college, on top of the world. She loved the thrill and exhilaration of the chase, the fight, running across the rooftops and pushing her physical abilities to the limit. And that was the first time for Barbara Gordon to fall madly - deeply - truly in love.
It had been coming for a while. The attraction was there from the start, from the first introduction. But there was an age difference, although not extreme. There was also the fact that they were both crime fighters, fighting together against the evils found in Gotham. It had started out a playful friendship, they would get together after the night sweeps were done and go to an all night café and eat, drink coffee and talk the rest of the night. Then at dawn, each would head off to their perspective lives, one to college, and the other off to the judo school, as an instructor.
Soon, they would start spending more and more time together, using any excuse to see each other. Finally, one day, Barbara realized she had fallen in love, and took the first step to deepen the relationship. There had been a lot of talk in regards to the pros and cons. Once they were weighed, ground rules were established. The next thing they knew, they were in a full blown, out of this world romance. Barbara had been consumed by the love affair. Then the world had crashed down around her ears.
"Barbara. BAR-bara!"
Back in the present, Barbara mentally shook herself; she really needed to not get so lost in her own head. For not the first time in less than 48 hours, she found herself in very close proximity to Helena, causing her to go back into her past.
'God- where was I?' Barbara shook her head slightly, trying to get back on track of what she wanted to talk to Helena about.
"You had that same look on your face this afternoon, when I put that CD on and it started to play. Barbara, what is this all about?"
"Right, that is one thing I wanted to discuss with you as well, this afternoon; that CD. It really threw me for a loop. It was made by.."
"I know. It was made by someone you are in love with."
"Helena, I was in love, …"
Two beepers went off at the same time; Barbara had hers at her belt and was able to get to it first. Delphi Alert. URGENT! "Helena, we need to get to the Tower, now. Something's up!"
"I'm on it. Let's go."
"I want a promise that we will continue this conversation.. Soon!" pleaded Barbara.
"Yeah. Sure. You got it." Helena said a little distractedly.
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