Disclaimer: See the first page, Chapter 1.
The morning alarm to get Barbara up for school didn't go off because it was playing softly from when Helena turned it on at 3:00 a.m. Totally unaware and deep in sleep, Barbara and Helena slept in each other's arms. Barbara had been sleeping without dreaming, partly from pure exhaustion. As the sun rose, she entered into REM sleep.
Speeding past a black cat sitting on the sidewalk, Barbara was driving frantically through the streets of New Gotham to get to where the Huntress was at Larry Ketterly's house. She could still hear everything that was going on through Helena's comm link and knew something had happened to her.
She kept talking to her, to keep at least a part of Helena grounded. "Helena - listen to me. Concentrate on my voice and it may interfere in whatever auditory-neural connection he's using."
"Helena - I know you want to tell me. Go ahead. Let it out." Ketterly was prompting the Huntress for her deepest fear.
In a very young sounding voice, that of a little girl, Helena tells him, "She died." Barbara hears a sharp intake of breath. "I lost her!" 'God, she's crying.. Just like she did so many nights right after Selina was killed.' Barbara punched the accelerator just a little harder.
"I lose everyone…" Helena said, almost a whisper.
"To love someone, and to lose them, right in front of you…." Ketterly said while pulling out a large hunting knife. He hands the knife to Helena and tells her to go ahead and end all her pain. Helena turns the pointed blade to her sternum, and starts to press the tip into her flesh.
Dinah bursts in the room and yells "HELENA!" Causing Ketterly to look away, freezing the hold he has on Helena. The knife stops its inward path.
As Dinah runs to Helena, she doesn't see that Ketterly has picked up the fireplace poker, which he swings in an arc, connecting with Dinah's stomach, dropping her to the floor.
"What have we here? Just another little girl, awwww." Ketterly taunts, raising the poker to strike again.
"Not exactly." Said Barbara from the doorway, releasing the batarang in hand, letting it fly to go straight into Ketterly's forehead, knocking him back and off his feet.
Barbara rushes to Helena's side. "Helena, it's alright, we're here.. Let me take this." She tries to pull the knife out of Helena's hands. The knife doesn't budge and the blood starts dripping down Helena's cleavage. "Helena, listen to me…" Barbara places her hand along Helena's face, cupping her cheek. "It's over! "
"No it's not! You're too late. It doesn't matter what you do to me here." Ketterly said, sounding like he's gone over the edge.
Barbara slaps Helena, "Helena!"
"Part of me stays in there with her. " continues Ketterly. "Where I've taken her, no one can follow."
Dinah steps in and places her hand over Barbara's and Helena's - on top of the knife handle.
"I can!" Dinah said confidently.
"No you can't" is heard from Ketterly as Dinah and Barbara enter the dreamscape.
"She won't hear me. Not here. Maybe she'll hear you." Dinah said she looked over to … Batgirl.
Barbara walks over to Helena as Batgirl, removing her cowl. Helena is kneeling in the street with the knife still to her chest. "Helena." She breathes softly, kneeling down next to the girl.
"I couldn't protect her." The 16-year-old Helena Kyle said.
"You were just a kid." Barbara tries to reassure Helena.
"No -She was all I had.." Helena's voice lacking any life behind it.. "You were all I had." Helena looked down in front of her. Barbara follows her gaze and sees herself laying in a pool of blood.
"No Helena, no, its- its an illusion. I'm not dead.. I'm.. I'm right here with you." Barbara said pleadingly.
"Heroes are supposed to save people. I've failed every person whoever needed me." Helena's voice was gaining just a bit of strength.
" No! You haven't failed me. I - choose this life. And, and all the risks that came with it. You don't have to protect me Helena. Do you understand?? We- we have to protect each other." Barbara's gloved hand moved to hold Helena's hands tightly clasped around the knife handle. "I can't do this without you."
Slowly Helena relinquished the knife and turned to Barbara to bury her face into Barbara's neck. Barbara brought her hand up and cups Helena's neck, holding her closer, and releasing the breath she didn't realize she was holding.
Barbara started to drift out of sleep. 'Ummmm, I am way to comfortable to wake up. I actually got a good night sleep. I feel so much better, more rested.' She laid there; her senses began to pick up on her surroundings. 'Ummm, nice warm body to cuddle up with, warmth of the sun coming in through the window, nice and quiet.' As she started to doze back off, 'Wait a minute.. Nice warm body…?!?!'
Barbara stiffened a little.. She had no idea who would've been in bed with her. She wasn't able to even remember going to bed. The last thing she did remember was…. Ummmm…. Was…. Ahmmmmmm…
Feeling like she was about to panic, Barbara suddenly remembered; she had been working with the Delphi system, Helena had a nightmare, she had awoken Helena, they talked about how they both hadn't been sleeping, Helena had picked her up. 'That leaves me to believe the nice warm body is…'
As Barbara opened one eye and looked down, she saw the chestnut hair of Helena Kyle. Helena was wrapped tightly around Barbara, one leg thrown over both of Barbara's, with her foot tucked just under Barbara's leg. An arm draped over Barbara's ribcage and head firmly planted on Barbara's shoulder, the crown buried into her neck just enough for her hair to tickle a little. Barbara realized she had Helena's neck cupped as she had in her dream.
'It's no wonder I slept so deeply. Not only was I exhausted, but I always tend to sleep a little better when Helena's near.' Barbara relaxed back into the bed. Then she opened her eyes fully and looked out the window at the blue sky and clouds that passed overhead, she thought to herself that it looked like a beautiful day. Maybe she should get up and prepare something fun for the three of them. 'We should take the day off from anything before going back to school tomorrow….'
"Shit!" Barbara softly exclaims. "School is today.. Why didn't my alarm go off?" From under a hand, which was now over her eyes, she listened for a second and heard very soft strains of music in the background. As Barbara strained to hear the song, a verse or two made it through clearly enough to understand the words. It was a song she had heard at school in the hallway, but it had never hit home as it did just then.
You could be my someone
you could be my scene
you know that I'll protect you
from all of the obscene
I wonder what you're doing
imagine where you are
there's oceans in between us
but that's not very far
Can you take it all away
can you take it all away
well ya shoved it in my face
this pain you gave to me
Can you take it all away
can you take it all away
well ya shoved it my face
Everyone is changing
there's no one left that's real
to make up your own ending
and let me know just how you feel
cause I am lost without you
I cannot live at all
my whole world surrounds you
I stumble then I crawl
Right Click and 'Save as' to download mp3 of "Blurry" by Puddle of Mudd
Barbara stopped the tears before they had a chance to start. The thing that she found most frustrating was - she wasn't sure what, why or who the tears were really for. She had been fond of Wade, enjoyed his company, but she hadn't been in love with him. She felt guilty because he shouldn't have been in the Clock Tower. He was an innocent caught in the middle and became a victim. It was true, she did miss him, but not for the reasons everyone assumed. She just missed that he had a way of looking at her and making her feel special.
She didn't get a lot of that these days. Oh, she knew that those who really counted; Helena, Dinah, and Alfred didn't see her as handicapped, but the rest of the world did. 'God, what would I do without those three in my life? Specially Helena. There is something so special about the bond we share. In a way, parts of that song fit how I feel about Hel.. I would be lost without her, in so many ways.' Barbara thought.
Barbara rubbed her eyes, sighed, and just lay there. Even after some real rest, she wasn't ready to face all the emotions that still surrounded the events in the recent past. It would take time for her to come to terms with all that had happened. For today, she was torn between the feeling of being so comfortable and wanting to go back to sleep, and her duty that she should get to school and set a good example. She released a soft, frustrated growl., and decided to awaken Helena.
Helena drifted up from a wonderful nightmare-free night sleep, unable to decide which was more delicious.. actual restful sleep, or the soft warm body that she was wrapped around. As she snuggled her head a little deeper, she heard a purr come from the chest attached to the shoulder she was using as a pillow. A little confused for a second, she stopped and remembered that she was in Barbara's bed, and the soft warm person she was using as a pillow had to be…. Opening an eye and questing upward, 'Yep - its Barbara.'
"When did we get a cat?" a very sleepy Helena asked from her vantage point on Barbara's shoulder.
Barbara looked down at Helena and chuckled. Helena raised her head a little and shyly looked at Barbara, "Sorry, I guess I kinda fell asleep. I had every intention of going to my apartment last night, but after I put you to bed, I kinda sat here for a few minutes thinking and when I started to move you had wrapped yourself around me and wouldn't let me go and…."
"It's ok Helena. It's just like you used to do as a kid. I thank you for staying in fact. You protected me from nightmares. I think I slept a little more soundly than I would have otherwise." Barbara said as she still chuckled. Helena did tend to babble a little when embarrassed.
Helena just smiled very prettily and put her head back down, covering her face with her hand. "I am such a goon sometimes.. But at least I didn't drool on you!" Peeking through her fingers and try to put a positive spin on the situation.
"If you would be so kind as to either 1. let me up or 2. get me the phone, I need to call school and let them know what's going on and that I'll be in as quickly as I can." Barbara said with a playful tone.
"Why do I have to get up?! Isn't the phone right there next to you on the side table?" Helena asked, pretending to be grumpy.
Barbara rolled her eyes, remembering a teenager that would pull that kind of thing. "The handset is missing and is probably out on the workstation I was at last night. Since I didn't put myself to bed last night, I am assuming it is still laying there."
"Oh, didn't know I was supposed to carry you AND the phone to bed last night." Helena said untangling herself from the throw that had been covering them both.
"By the way Hel, thanks… for taking care of me last night. I really appreciate it." Barbara said sweetly and softly.
Ducking her head just a little embarrassed, Helena muttered "Anytime.." and turned to head out the door to get the phone.
"Hey - can you grab my glasses too while you're at it?!?!" Barbara yelled after Helena.
Barbara reached for the bar just above her head and pulled herself into a sitting position. She then straightened the throw over herself. With Helena out of the bed, she suddenly felt a little chilly. She grabbed the remote to the TV and turned it on to see if there was any news still on. After flicking through a couple channels, she looked over at the clock. Almost eleven! No wonder she can't find any news. The people at school must be frantic. It was so unlike her to not call in if she is going to be late.
"Speaking of school, where's Dinah?" Barbara mumbled to herself. "Why didn't she wake me up? Is she even up??' Just as she opened her mouth to yell at Helena to check on Dinah, a slender, firm bottom backed through the bedroom door. Barbara stared open mouthed. The body belonging to the behind, turned around to display Helena with two cups of coffee, a newspaper, Barbara's glasses perched at the end of her nose and a piece of notebook paper… No phone.
"I thought you were going to get the phone." Barbara said quickly, to cover the fact that her mouth had been hanging open. "By the way, you look cute in my glasses, in a librarian kind of way.. " She teased Helena a little, getting safely away from the reason why she would have been looking at Helena's backside.
Helena crinkled her nose up a little and stooped over a little more, shuffling her feet "Why thank you dearie.. Nice of you to notice!" She imitated a little old lady voice. Straightening up, she crossed the remaining distance, handed Barbara one of the cups of coffee, dropped the newspaper from under her arm, stepped up onto the bed and across Barbara, sat down very gracefully, cross-legged fashion with out spilling a drop from her own cup. She handed the piece of paper to Barbara, followed by her glasses. "After reading this note, I figured the phone wasn't needed."
Barbara, put on her glasses as she set the coffee down, picked up the note, and saw it was from Dinah.
"Barbara, Peeked in to see you were finally sleeping well when I didn't find you up before me. I asked Alfred to give me a ride to school and will stop in the office to let them know you are sick, and that I didn't wake you this morning so that you could call in and let them know yourself. xoxoxo Dinah"
"See, Blondie has it covered for you." Helena piped up.
"Yeah , but I still need to call the school. Having a student pass along word that a teacher isn't coming in isn't exactly following protocol." Barbara picked up her coffee, taking a sip. "Oh, Thanks for the coffee.. I needed this!" She winked at Helena as the lanky brunette got off the bed to presumably get the phone.
As Helena left the room, Barbara wondered what the hell had gotten into her. First, the song, then she caught herself staring at Helena's rear end, most definitely out of character, and then flirting with her about the coffee? 'She must think I'm losing it. Maybe I am losing it! To much stress! I need a day off!'
Just then, there was streak of movement into the room and someone did a belly flop onto the bed. Helena rolled over toward Barbara phone in hand. "It's been a long time since I did that.. I'd almost forgotten how fun it is!!" Helena said, very pleased with herself.
Barbara, tried to put on a stern face but couldn't quite manage it, responded, "I'm just glad I had put my coffee down before you did that."
"I checked first!" Helena said around the tongue she stuck out at Barbara.
Barbara stuck hers back at Helena while dialing the school number. It wasn't long before she had the Principal on the line and was apologizing about not calling in. He assured her it was not a problem. He knew her and wouldn't expect a student of Dinah's caliber to try and pull a "fast one", laughing at his own attempted humor. With a sickly smile, Barbara said that, yes, she would be back tomorrow and was sure it was only a 24 hour bug, thank you for your understanding.. yes.. yes.. ok, goodbye.
"Boy - sounds like he hasn't changed since I left there!" Helena said while she rolled her eyes. "Mister Comedian!"
Barbara smiled, picked up her coffee, and leant back against the headboard of her bed. Helena had confiscated the remote to the TV, turned around so her head was at the foot of the bed and was laying on her stomach, feet up in the air kicking back and forth and eating a pop tart while surfing through the channels.
"How can you tell if you see a show you like? You don't stay on one channel long enough!" Barbara said slapping Helena on the leg. "How many times do I have to tell you not to eat in my bed?"
Helena turned the TV off and turned around and up into a sitting position. "I just had the strongest sense of déjà vu!"
"It's not déjà vu when it really has happened before, Helena!" Barbara said dryly.
"Oh, that's right. Man- those were the days weren't they?" Helena said sarcastically. Then more seriously, voice low and somber, "I really do miss those days sometimes." She dropped her hand holding the pop tart down and just let if lay on her leg. She suddenly found the sprinkles on the pop tart very interesting.
Barbara looked at her and saw a bit of the little girl she used to take care of, before all hell had broken loose and Helena had been forced to grow up too fast. "I do to." She said softly, as she reached out and rubbed Helena's arm.
They sat in silence for a bit, Barbara sipped her coffee. She remembered how Little Helena Kyle would run into her room on a Saturday morning, after Barbara had taken her for a sleep over because Selina had a business function to attend with Bruce Wayne. First thing on a Saturday morning, the little chestnut haired bullet would dive into the bed, doing a belly flop, a pop tart in one hand, yanking at Barbara's covers, almost screaming for her to get up!! She was going to miss Thundercats!!
"Come on Barbara!! Get up.. its about to start!!!" an excited little voice would say over and over. Helena never did realize that Barbara had already been up to place the pop tart where Helena could get it and had come back to bed to play possum - just so the little tyke would do exactly what she was doing. She would let Helena do that until she would hear James Gordon, her Dad, start to grumble from the next room. Then she would pop out from under the covers, trying to startle Helena, which never worked, and get up. They would wrap up in a blanket on the couch watching all of Helena's favorite cartoons until Selina would come to claim her little darling.
"Whatcha thinking about?" Helena asked, her lips pulled up into a sweet, unconscious smile. She didn't get to see Barbara in a relaxed state much these days. "I was just remembering back when I was in high school, and would watch you over night. You would do the same thing, run in, and do a belly flop onto my bed. I guess some things never change." Barbara said with a little smile.
"Well at least I don't wake you up early Saturday mornings to watch Thundercats anymore!" Helena replied back, laughing. "Is that still on?" Barbara asked.
As she shrugged her shoulders, Helena replied, "Don't know, and guess we'll have to ask Blondie!" She flipped around, having finished her pop tart and reached for her coffee that she had left on the side table. "So - since you're obviously playing hooky.. wanna do something fun today? Looks like its going to a great day out!" Helena wiggled her eyebrows suggestively.
"Well, if it were warmer, a lot warmed, I was thinking a picnic would be fun." Barbara said a bit wistfully.
"We can drive over to the beach. I'm sure it's not that cold out! I'll build us a big fire!" Getting into the idea, Helena said excitedly.
Amused at the other woman's excitement, Barbara replied, "I'd rather not risk pneumonia Helena. January isn't exactly known for its beach weather temperatures!"
The excitement a tiny bit deflated, Helena thought for a moment then asked, "Do you trust me Barbara?"
"What kind of question is that? Of course I trust you." Barbara answered as she grabbed the newspaper.
"Great!! I will be back in about an hour or so with a surprise!!" Helena said almost jumping up and down on the bed.
"I'll do you one better. I'll give you over an hour, so I can get a shower." Barbara responded still amused at Helena's excitement.
As she practically ran out the door, Helena yelled, "Ok, I'll be on comm if you need me!"
"Ok." Barbara responded aloud, she thought to no one.
Barbara put down the newspaper, folded the throw that she took off her legs, lifted her legs over the edge of the bed, when she realized that she had no wheelchair. As she sat there contemplating if she should call Alfred or call and leave a message at Helena's, a knight in shining armor, in the form of her former charge, came in, wheeling said wheelchair in front of her.
"What!? Didn't think I would leave you stranded, did you?" Helena asked a little sheepishly.
"Well I was just wondering what I was going to do… and you almost didn't remember, did you?" Barbara said dryly as she looked over the rim of her glasses with a wink.
Helena just smiled and shrugged her shoulders and said "Oops!" and was gone.
Barbara just shook her head, got into her chair, and headed towards her bathroom for a bit of a soak.
Barbara ran a tub full of hot water and bubbles. She positioned her chair next to the end of the tub where she could grab the specially installed bars that would assist in her lifting herself up and over the edge, then down into the tub. Once in, Barbara allowed her body to sink down into the water up to her chin. It felt wonderful to just relax and not worry about anything. To take a day off was unheard of, but it was a necessity every once in awhile.
Knowing she couldn't take too much time luxuriating in the bath, Barbara still allowed her mind to examine where the flirting had come from earlier with Helena. Granted, Helena Kyle herself flirted with anything that drew breath. It was her nature; an inherited nature from her mother. It was as natural to Helena as breathing was to mammals. It wasn't Barbara Gordon's nature.
'I know Helena is carrying a great deal of guilt over Wades death. She's taken all of it upon her shoulders. It seems that every time I try and talk to her about it, she up and runs off. She needs to know I don't hold her responsible - no one does. She doesn't need to carry the burden. She needs to understand just what my feelings were for Wade. If I hadn't let him into the Clock Tower, he would still be alive. I guess in that respect we are alike. We both feel guilty about Wades death.'
Barbara slipped all the way under the water to get her hair wet... as she came back up, Barbara admitted to herself that trying to link the Wade thing into the flirting was a way to just not really face the issue at hand. She was in love with the idea of being in love; in love with the idea that Wade was in love with her. It had been the first time anyone had seemed truly in love with her, without any hang-ups about her handicap.
'Well, that isn't entirely true. Helena doesn't have any hang-ups in regards to my legs not working.' In fact, she had gotten pretty damn good at telling a few jokes herself that are aimed at Barbara's inability to feel anything in her legs..
'And she never cuts me any slack when we are training. And there is love there. We've been through too much together not to share a strong bond that would include love, right? And of course, with Helena being such a flirt, its just rubbing off on me. Yeah, that's all it is. No need to get all weird about things. I mean, it's not like we're in love or anything like that…. Right?'
Not wanting to delve any deeper into the subject, Barbara finished her bath. As she was wondering what to wear, it came to mind that she had no idea what Helena had up her sleeve. Barbara grabbed a robe and headed out to the Delphi System. "Huntress, do you copy?"
"Hey Oracle - just putting the finishing touches to my diabolical plan of relaxation!!" Came the response over the comm system from Huntress.
"Speaking of your, "diabolical" plan, is it? I have no idea of what to wear…" Barbara started.
"Well, clothes could be optional.. But you might get a little cold!" Helena cut in before Barbara could finish.
"Funny.. The cold is what I'm wondering about.. Do I need to dress for the outdoors?" Barbara asked, as she rolled her eyes. Hadn't she just been thinking about what a flirt Helena could be?
"No, you don't have to dress for outside type cold. Just wear something comfortablish.. You know.. Like- lay around and watch movies all day kinda thing."
"We're watching movies?" Barbara asked dryly.
"No, we're not watching movies." Helena replied with a snide tone. "I said to dress like that.. so you're comfy.. that's all!"
"Oh, ok.. then how long do I have before you're here?" Barbara asked.
"Oh, just about …" the elevator door opened and Helena sauntered out. "Now. Does that give you enough time?" a smirk forming on her cupid bow shaped lips.
Barbara couldn't help herself but smile. She made her way down the ramp, heading toward the tall brunette, who happened to be standing in the way of the elevator.
"You may be a little cold in the robe, but I did say dress comfy!" Helena quipped.
"If you will excuse me, I will head upstairs and get dressed.. if you don't mind, thank you very much." Barbara came back, trying to do her impression of Alfred.
"Oh, well, yes my dear lady.. Don't let me stop you." Was Helena's response, as she stepped back. "Need any help?" came a second later, under her breath.
As the elevator door closed, Barbara said, "I heard that!" A moment later, Helena heard the red head exit the elevator and made her way into her room, closing the door after her.
'Oops!' Helena headed upstairs and was just about to knock on Barbara's door to get the phone, when Alfred entered below from the Penthouse.
"Just the man I've been waiting to see! Thank you for getting that together on such short notice Alfred! You're my hero!!" Helena jumped over the railing, to the floor below and rushed over to the gentleman to see that everything she had requested was in the picnic basket.
"No problem at all, Miss Helena. My pleasure! I certainly am happy to see that the two of you are finally going to take a day off. Long over due I'd say!" Alfred said as Helena ooo-ed and ahh-ed over bits and bobs of food items while rummaged through the basket.
"Nice touch Alfred old man!" Helena exclaimed as she found the wine at the bottom that Alfred had included.
With an eyebrow raised, Alfred responded, "Well, you can't very well have a proper picnic, without the proper libation, now can you Miss?" Helena put her hand up for a high five that was promptly reciprocated.
"What are we celebrating?" Barbara asked, stopping at the railing and looking over when she heard the hands slap together.
"Nothing important Miss Barbara. The day certainly does get away quickly, doesn't it?" Alfred asked with more than a little hinting that they really should get a move on.
"And on that note!" Helena picked up the picnic basket with a wink to Alfred, walked over to the elevator, and waited for the door to open so she could enter.
"Come on Babs - let's blow this pop stand before you have a chance to change your mind about having some fun - Huntress style!" Huntress said as she grabbed the back of Barbara's chair and dragged her into the elevator, then stood behind the red head to keep the basket out of sight.
Barbara whipped her head around, a deer caught in the headlights look going as the elevator door closed.
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