Disclaimer: Unfortunately - these absolutely breath-taking women/characters are not mine. L
Pairing: Barbara and Helena
Rating: PG (Mild Violence)
Entry: 2013 April 19
She is everywhere.
Why do I feel so haunted by her.
I can be at the outside market down on the bay and suddenly I will become aware of that unique scent that is so her.
Leather. Sandalwood.
I turn around scanning the crowds and surrounding buildings. I know she is here, yet I can't spot her.
I expect to be aware of her like this when I’m in the Clock Tower. We share the space since we work together every night. There are times she will stop in at the Tower before hitting the rooftops for any updates or to have me fix her communications unit, which she accidentally dropped and stepped on. There was one time she even blamed Onyx, her cat, for breaking it.
On those times that she stops by early, she will sweep in from the balcony at twilight, bringing her unique scent mixed with the freshness of outside, filling the Clock Tower. She always comes up behind me remaining silent. She will just stand impossibility close to me; close enough to feel the heat radiating from her body on my arm. If I were to move in the slightest I would be touching her.
"Hey." She would say softly, almost sultry. Nothing else is said until I respond. Anyone thinking she has no patience doesn't know her at all.
There was this one time I wanted to see what would happen if I didn't say anything back. She had come in and while I acknowledged her entrance with a nod of my head, I didn't say anything. I sat and studied different reports on the screen of my computer for more than half and hour. She remained still as a statue. Finally I gave in and said something. I think I said "Have a seat." or "What's up?" or something like that and that was all. I had tried to maintain a preoccupied air, but it was getting difficult. When I finally looked up at her she had smiled a smile that was blindingly radiant. Her eyes had sparkled with mischief. I remember my heart had tried to jump out of my chest.
Even now, just remembering that evening, I feel a slight blush come to my cheeks. I don't understand why sometimes she has this kind of effect on me.
She had asked, "How was your day?" and turned to lean against my desk, placing a foot up on the edge of my chair, eyes still twinkling, as if to say “I have a secret – but I’m not ready to share!”
She hinted once that she wouldn't mind if we shared something more than a working relationship, or friendship. I know she has no specific preference per se as far as sexual partners. She seems to always have someone who is impossibly good looking hanging around her place. "Juste un Ami." She likes to quote from "French Kiss". The scene where Luc has taken Kate to his boyhood home and a sister makes a comment about how she is impressed by Kate. Luc responds, "Juste un Ami.”
I feel myself shrug at that thought. Juste um ami.
I don't know why it matters so much to me, what she thinks or feels about me. I don't even know why am I sitting here in the park watching kid’s play on the monkey bars and thinking about her. I felt restless and needed to get out of my apartment.
I guess I should look into taking the time to make it mine again – make it my home. Ever since Joker invaded my world and shot me, the place has remained relatively sterile. To make room for the handicap accessible renovations, the place was almost gutted. Most of the furniture and artwork were gotten rid of and I've made no move to try and decorate since. Why should I? I don't spend a lot of time there. It’s functional. I don't date, so there is no one to entertain.
She shows up at my door once in awhile if I haven't gone to work that day if it’s during the school year, or in the summer. She always has a plausible reason. Like she was in the neighborhood or on her way to the grocery store, and did I need anything? She knows I hate going grocery shopping! Sometimes she will stop by bearing a flower, usually a rose or a goofy little toy that she felt I just had to have. I told Dinah about it once and she said that she thought that I was being courted. But that would be ridiculous wouldn’t it? I mean the woman could have anyone she wanted. Why would she want me?
"Why would she be interested in me?" I realize I said that out loud as a little old lady walks past and looks sharply at me.
But really! Why would she be interested in me? I've never shown the slightest provocation of being interested in dating women. I haven't even shown any interest in dating any men. I just don't have any interest dating. Period. Who has time for a relationship? God knows I don't. Even if I had the time, why would I set myself up to be hurt?
The last relationship ended dreadfully. He stood by me through all the surgeries and rehabilitation. He was attentive and loving. But the sex was never the same after the shooting that landed me in this chair. The stronger I became in my recovery; both physically and emotionally, the more distant he became. Until finally one night he told me he was leaving. He had an offer in Blüdhaven and was going to take it. I decided then that I would never allow myself to become involved again.
I close my eyes and lean my head back, enjoying the sun. The winter has been a long and overly cold one and the spring sunshine feels rejuvenating. I feel drowsy and allow myself to drift in and out, not thinking anymore.
Suddenly it dawns on me that there is a presence standing very close to me and has been there for some time. I open my eyes.
"Is it safe to nap in the park like that?" She asks.
"Hi. Of course it’s safe. This is a private park for residents only after all." I point out. I turn my chair so I can look at her without fighting the glare of the sun. She has Onyx tucked under one arm. His bright green eyes are focused just past my right shoulder. I turn in that direction and see that he is focused on a bird that is sitting under the tree behind me. She lets him down and he slinks over toward the bird.
"Should you just let him go like that? Won't he run off?" I ask her.
"No, he always comes when I call. He'll be ok." She motions to move over to a park bench, walking in that direction without waiting to see if I follow.
I do. Follow her that is. It isn't often that she comes out in broad daylight. Something important must be up for her to come here. If it weren't important, she would just wait until this evening to talk to me.
She drapes herself across the end of the bench, her dark hair and black Rayban's in sharp contrast with her alabaster skin. She has removed the ever-present black leather jacket. Her arms exposed to the sun.
"Do you have sunscreen on? I'm sure you're going to burn." I say to her, offering a tube of sunscreen I always have with me.
She shakes her head no. She can be so stubborn. "Even if I do get sunburned, it will be healed by tomorrow." She states, her head thrown back exposing her throat to the sky.
I watch her as she sits there. In many ways she is so much like her mother. The feline poise and sleek movement is her trademark. It sometimes amazed me at how totally unselfconscious she is. Yet, she is dark, brooding and so much like her father in so many ways as well.
"Barbara."
I realize I had gotten so complete lost in my thoughts and memories of times fighting side-by-side with her father and against her mother, that I didn't even hear her say something until she said my name.
"Oh, sorry, been a little preoccupied lately. Don't know what’s wrong with me these days." I say taking my glasses off and setting them in my lap. I notice that Onyx has joined her on the bench. He sits there very much like his master. Stretched out and relaxed.
"I know why." She states simply. "Anniversaries can be difficult, especially life changing anniversaries."
I shrug in answer. I can't dispute that with her, telling her she wouldn't know anything about it; she would as she lost her mother the same night that I lost the use of my legs.
We sit in silence for a while, the sun losing some of its intensity as it started to dip behind the buildings surrounding the park. I shiver and she gets up and drapes her jacket around my shoulders.
Leather. Sandalwood.
"Come on. Let's go and get something to eat. I'm starving!" She calls Onyx and he jumps from the bench to walk along beside her like a faithful companion; almost like a dog.
I follow a few feet behind. I feel like I'm in a fog. I must not be in complete control of my faculties for I never act spur of the moment. As we exit the park Onyx still in step with his master, I hurry to catch up to her.
"What did you have in mind?" I ask, dodging a kid who runs out in front of us. I look up at her and see a smirk on her lips. "I mean for food." I say exasperated.
"I know a little place around the corner. They make a mean steak that is outta this world!" She answers smiling.
"Shouldn't we take your cat back to your place?"' I ask her as she bends to pick him up at the street crossing.
"He'll be ok." She says without further explanation. "Come on, I'm hungry."
She picks up the pace a little and I push the wheels a little harder on my chair to keep up. I had left the motorized chair at home today. I had to, as I ripped the motor out of it this morning to try and up the power. The 'just around the comer' turns out to be several blocks away of uneven pavement, giving me a good workout trying to keep up with her.
She reaches the door several feet before me. As I pull up even, little old man comes out. "Onyx you have decided to come back and visit - finally! My little jewel was just complaining today about how much she misses you!" He exclaims. He puts out his hands and Onyx jumps to him and purrs loudly. "You have missed me!" He touches his nose to the cats and then looks up at her, "You have been away too long! Come in! Come in! He pulls her down and kisses her cheek and then he turns and enters the front door of the establishment.
There are assorted ‘Hello's' from different people working in and among the tables. I watch the man disappear into the back through a curtain with Onyx. We continue on to a table in the back. She pulls out a chair and puts it off to the side, leaving me room to pull right up to the table. The place is filled with rich aromas off grilling meats mixed with the scent of fresh baked breads.
I take my gloves off and set them down on the chair next to me. She sits and smiles softly to me.
"You're going to love the food here." I smile back as a waitress silently slides in and sets down glasses of water, slipping away as she came. A moment later a bowl of steaming towels are set down. She takes one and wipes her face and hands with it. I mimic her sighing, as it feels so good against my skin. I set the towel back into the bowl and it's whisked away.
"You sure you put your sunscreen on today? You're looking a little pink."
She reaches out and softly touches my cheek and tip of my nose. As I open my mouth to respond, salads appear in front of us. I look up a little surprised as no one had come to take our order.
"Is that ok? I think they just assumed we would be having my usual." She smiles apologetically.
"Yeah, sure. This is fine." I answer and pick up my fork. Spearing a couple pieces of the lettuce along with an olive and what I take to be feta cheese, I place the bite into my mouth. The tangy tastes of balsamic vinegar with rich spices flood my senses.
"This is very good." I say after swallowing.
Seemingly out of nowhere a bottle of wine is brought and glasses filled. There is no label on the bottle so I have no idea what it is. She picks up her glass with a silent toast to me and takes a sip. I mimic her movements. It's an excellent semi-dry white that compliments the food so far.
As the salad quickly disappears, another plate appears in front of me. Even though I just finished a salad, I'm suddenly starving. I find a shish kabob of fish and meat, with vegetables placed in between each piece of meat. It turns out that its lamb and swordfish, that has been grilled to perfection.
We continue to eat with no words exchanged between us, both so engrossed with the flavors of the food and satisfying our hunger. Plate empty, she sits back with a sigh. “That was great!" She picks up her glass and takes a hefty slug of the wine.
There is a streak of black that launches itself onto her lap. At first I think its Onyx, but I notice this cat is smaller and has a dainty jeweled collar on. It's purring loudly and starts to knead on her stomach. She laughs and bends down and touches her nose to the tip of the cats.
"Hello Jewel. Get tired of the little monster already?" She asks of the cat. She scratches behind its delicate little ears until it turns questioning eyes to me. "Oh sorry Jewel. This is Barbara. A friend of mine and Onyx." Jewel blinks at me and then jumps back down to disappear through the curtain.
"And that was Jewel. Onyx's mother." She said, once again picking up her glass. "So, how have you been doing today Barbara?" She asks out of the blue.
I'm caught off guard and look at her, blinking, not sure what to say.
"I went and visited Mom this morning. Cleaned up the place a little and placed some fresh flowers out for her. She always liked fresh cut flowers." She said quietly. I see a tear slid silently down her cheek. I lean forward and place my hand over hers.
Selina had been her whole world and that world had been shattered all those years ago. I draw a blank as to what to say, so I just hold her hand. She turns her hand to wrap her fingers around my own. I have a moment of anxiety, but a few deep breaths clear that away.
"Barbara, why do you insist on being alone?” She asks out of the blue, startling me from being lost in my thoughts once again.
"Huh?" 'God that's eloquent!’ I think to myself.
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